Woot Woot! Stretching my oddly shaped brain muscles

My friend, Mike, sent me a link to a copy editor job listing at Woot. If you’re not familiar with Woot, it’s a company that offers flash sales on brand-name products, but what sets them apart from other companies is that their writing tends to be very funny, silly, weird, absurdist, WTF kind of writing—basically my favorite kind of writing. 

So I clicked on the link, and they asked people to “audition” by replying to their blog post. Honestly I don’t know if this job even exists because it’s not on their main jobs page, and the listing was posted on April Fools day. But I decided to jump in anyway.

Here is their original post:

Its a sad day hear at Woot. It seems our deer copy editor had some sort of psychotic brake yesterday and won’t be returning. We found him sititing behind his desk, mumbling something abou to, two and too … or maybe tutus, were not really shure. We just held and rocked him for a while, shushed him and said “their they’re” until they came and took him away. Its to bad. We really licked that guy. And through hell always be in our hearts, we must move one.

Good knews for you, thought! WHERE HIGHERING!

At first it took us some time to except that we really do need a editor. We consider ourselfs professionals, you no? But we realize we arnt perfect. And as hard ass we try, we make alot of mistakes. Like, a HOLE LOT of mistakes. So we really knead a person with a good “I” for detail and alot of pashunts. pashents patients.

Any way, check out the official job posting here. Think your the one for the job? Proove it. We’ll be taking auditions in the forums. You can start bye editing this blog poste.

God luck!”

 

I looked around to see how others had responded. Some people took it literally and just edited the post for grammatical and spelling errors. Some people edited one single word as a joke. Others replaced a word or two here and there for comedic purposes. I decided to edit it for mistakes and then rewrite or add random sentences right into the post. Here is my submission:

“It’s a sad day here at Woot. it seems our dear cop/editor/tea-leaf reader had some sort of psychotic breakfast yesterday and won’t be returning. We found him sitting behind his desk, mumbling something about “to, two and too” … or maybe t.A.T.u’s new tattooed tutus, we’re really not sure. We just held and rocked him for a while, shushed him and said “Your benefits will be cut soon” until they came and took him away. It’s too bad. We really liked that guy’s Facebook posts. And though he’ll always be in our hearts, he won’t be on our payroll starting Monday.

Good news for you, though! We’re hiring! (No, not really. We already hired Jeremiah, who is the brother of our administrative assistant’s babysitter’s high school principal’s parole officer’s slacker uncle.)

At first it took us some time to accept that we really do need an editor…and a bigger coffee table to hide that stain Barbara left behind when she spilled her whisky and didn’t think we noticed. We consider ourselves professionals, you know? But we realize we aren’t perfect. And as hard as we try, we make a lot of misinformed decisions in life. So we really need a person who has an eye for detail and a lot of passes to amusement parks because we really like amusement parks, especially Disney’s California Adventure.

Anyway, check out the official job posting here. Think you’re the one for the job? Prove it. We’ll be taking auditions in the forums. You can start by editing this blog post.

Goodest of luck!”

 

Again, I don’t even know if this job is real or not. I guess I’ll send an e-mail about it today. If it turns out to be just an April Fools joke, oh well, at least it gave me a chance to stretch my oddly-shaped brain muscles.

 

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